First Marriage Then Love 《先婚厚爱》Chapter 76 Translation

076. Unable to say


She absentmindedly looks through the materials in her hands, the ones that Huang De Xing had given her the other day about the foreign project. She’s been looking at them for the entire morning, but she has not retained any substantial bit of the content. All that was in her mind was about the play from last night!

She fidgets her hand and throws the materials onto the desk. She then grabs the cell phone off her desk and calls Lin Li.

The phone rang for a while until Lin Li finally picked up. It was noisy on her side, as if there were people in the background, making a racket. It was hard to hear what she was saying.

“Where are you, why’s it so noisy?” An Ran holds her phone, raising her volume as she asks.

“I’m at the hospital, An Zi. I’m a bit busy now, can’t talk right now, I’ll call you back.” Lin Li says into the phone.

Hospital! Hearing the word hospital instinctually made An Ran have a bad reaction. She sits up straight, and asks anxiously, “Why are you at the hospital? Which hospital, I’ll go get you.”

“No it’s fine, I’m just getting a prenatal examination, it’s nothing much. Don’t worry.” Lin Li gently says.

“Is Cheng Xiang with you? Did he come with you?” An Ran asks.

“He has a big client coming to talk about investments, no time to accompany me.” Lin Li states.

An Ran turns cold, and only asks, “Which hospital, I’ll come get you.”

“Ai yah, it’s okay. It’s just a prenatal examination, not giving birth. You don’t need to accompany me, I can be by myself, just relax. It’s not even the first time, I know what to do.” Lin Li doesn’t want to inconvenience her, because she knew that she was still at work, how can she have the nerve to get her to request a leave of absence for her sake.

“I’m telling you to give me the address, how is that rubbish.” An Ran says pissed, “Anyways, I’m the godmother of your child, what’s wrong with accompanying him once, isn’t it a must.”

Lin Li couldn’t persuade her otherwise, so she had no other alternative but to give her the address.

An Ran tidies up her things and takes her bag to leave. Because of her work, it was normal for her to go out to constructions sites and what not, so her working hours were quite flexible, therefore when she leaves she does not need to request a leave of absence, thus it was quite convenient.

When An Ran had reached the woman’s hospital Lin Li was still sitting on the plastic bench by the pavement holding onto a number. There were still a few young married couples ahead of her. Some of them were about the same as Lin Li. She can’t see the reason why they were there. Their stomachs were already incredibly big, as if it was a balloon full of air, it seemed as if it would explode at any time, making people feel apprehensive looking at it.

However, besides Lin Li, the others had their husbands with them – even their mothers or mother-in-laws were with them – there was not a lonely person all by herself. Looking at this scene, An Ran felt like an unworthy substitute for Lin Li, and felt pain for her even more.

Seeing that An Ran was rushing over, Lin Li frowns disapprovingly, “I told you that you don’t have to come, why did you still come.” She really could be by herself, she wasn’t so pampered. Anyways, the fetus was only 2 months, her stomach wasn’t big, and moving wasn’t inconvenient. There was nothing to worry about.

An Ran sits down nonchalantly, and says, “I have a part in the child in your belly, why can’t I accompany you for a prenatal examination.”

Lin Li was defeated by her. She was speaking too intensely, if people didn’t know they would think that she would be in a relationship with her.

As she was about to say something, from behind the door to the outpatient service opens. A young, very pregnant married couple emerges, then the white-coated intern follows and calls out, “Number 29, number 29 come in!”

Lin Li wasn’t able to react. She subconsciously turned her head to look for the number 29 that the nurse called out. No one came to stand up.

Seeing that no one was coming, the young nurse yelled out once again, “Number 29, number 29’s Lin Li, is Lin Li coming?”

Lin Li looked at her own registration slip, which astonishingly had the number 29 written on it!

“Number 29! Number 29!” The nurse once again called out loudly, “Is Lin Li coming? If you’re not then I’ll take number 30.” The number hasn’t been called out yet, when Lin Li suddenly stood up, and quickly says, “I am, I am, 29, I am number 29 Lin Li.” Saying that, she quickly grabs her registration slip and gives it to her.

The nurse looks at her strangely, accepting the registration slip. She looks at it, then unenthusiastically says, “Come in.”

Lin Li quickly nods and takes her bag with her and enters. An Ran followed right behind her.

The doctor was a 50-year old female doctor. She pulls open the white curtains, and lets Lin Li lie down on the bed. She reaches out and feels around her belly. She asks Lin Li if she has been recently feeling unwell anywhere.

Lin Li speaks a matter-of-factly, then sees the doctor turn her head and gives the nurse beside her a look. The nurse fetches a small apparatus and places it on Lin Li’s belly, then takes something, “Dong dong dong dong……” A sound transmits throughout the room: the fetus’ heart beat.

Because she was 2 months pregnant, the doctor did not recommend doing ultrasound, so until the examination passes, she goes over the stuff that she should pay attention to. The two then leave the office.

The two come out from the office. An Ran just stares at Lin Li’s belly. Life is truly wonderful, it has only been a few months, that even a flat belly would slowly start to swell, that inside there would be a little cute angel living in there, a whole new life, was two people’s love that crystallized and will continue to go on.

“Hey, why are you staring at my belly, you don’t have X-ray vision!” Lin Li says, not in a good mood. She softly protects her stomach, and in a mocking tone, “If you want that much, grow one yourself, you aren’t proper love birds, concentrate on your honey feelings with Wealthy Mr. Su.”

An Ran doesn’t mind her. She reaches out to feel her belly. How fantastical. She couldn’t feel a thing. Just a moment ago she heard a powerful pulse ‘dong dong dong dong’, just like the beat of a drum.

“Hey! Gu An Ran, you’re so childish.” Lin Li couldn’t stand it anymore.

An Ran smiles weakly, points at the coffee shop by the doctor’s office, and says, “Let’s go, let’s go sit down. Anyway it’s nothing.”

Lin Li looks at her in the eye, nods, not opposing.

The surroundings of the coffee shop wasn’t bad, it was elegant and peaceful, a soft music plays through the speaker, transmitting softly throughout the store. It was a weekday, however it was still the time that people work, so there was not a lot of people in the coffee shop, scattered throughout the store.

The two find a seat by the window, and the waiter brings them water and the menu. An Ran softly expresses her thanks, then orders a cup of hot milk for Lin Li, while she will have black coffee.

The waiter smiles and cordially takes their menu. Waiting until the waiter left, Lin Li stares at An Ran strangely, not saying anything for a long time.

An Ran got goosebumps from her stare. She turns to look at the glass of water that the waiter brought, and softly sips on it, “Why are you looking at me like that?”

“The thing you hate the most is bitter stuff! You even only drank caramel macchiatos, so why did you suddenly order black coffee!”

She felt weird when she ordered. She had known her for 10 years, they shared the same dorm ever since entering university, they went through the ups and downs, the two know each other more than they know about themselves, what they like, what their style is, they even know the pin for each other’s bank account, there was nothing that they hide from each other. She naturally knows that An Ran hated bitterness, that even if the coffee has a hint of bitterness she would reject it. She even hated taking medicine more than getting injections. This kind of person, suddenly ordered a black coffee without any sweeteners today, there’s a problem, there’s a big problem!

“Speak, did something happen recently, did you have a falling out with the Wealthy Su?” Lin Li guesses. These past few days, she really had a feeling that An Ran was acting strange. Even though she can’t say what was strange, but her intuition tells her, that something must have happened.

An Ran guiltily glances away, and mockingly says, “I don’t have any problems, we don’t fight, Su Yi Cheng treats me really well. I am just living the sweetest life right now, so I need some bitter coffee to counteract it, not letting people confuse easily.”

“Pu---!” Lin Li almost spit out her drink, choking. She glares at her, “What a fed-up non-oppressive life you live!”

An Ran shoots a glance at her sorry appearance. She smiles as she hands her a napkin. Then she couldn’t help but recall the scene from last night. She looks at Lin Li, and started to feel indescribably sad. She was carrying a child, yet Cheng Xiang had to cheat on her at this time, thinking about it made her feel sad.

Lin Li takes the napkin and wipes herself. She then looks at her expecting gossip, and inquisitively asks, “How is it, is living with Wealthy Su blissful and harmonious.”

An Ran looks at her, the corner of her mouth turns upward awkwardly. Su Yi Cheng truly did treat her well, that point she can’t deny.

Looking at her bashful appearance Lin Li felt even more naughty. Her true gossip self immediately wanted to break out. She looks at An Ran ambiguously, and laughs, “Hey, how is that aspect with your Mr. Su?”

An Ran doesn’t think much of it, and doesn’t reply. She instead asks, “What aspect?” She stopped speaking, to take a sip of water.

“What other aspect is there, the matters of the bed, does he meet your needs? Or, can you meet his needs?” Lin Li giggles and says frankly.

“Pu----“ An Ran spurts the water in her mouth onto the table. Lin Li had good eyes, and quickly dodged so she wasn’t struck head on by her.

“Ow, An Zi, aren’t you too dramatic!” Lin Li quickly grabs some napkins and wipes the table as she shouts in a loud voice. Luckily there wasn’t anyone else by their table, otherwise they would be laughing to death by now.

An Ran pulls on a napkin and wipes herself. She glares at Lin Li, and says, “I’m dramatic, isn’t your question too much!” Asking in such a public place without censor, her being like this is called dramatic!

Wiping the table clean, Lin Li sits upright and still and says, “Student Gu An Ran, my question is very ordinary, you’re just too ‘out’, married women come out to gossip and catch up, 10 out of 11 of the subjects are inevitably linked to men, within these 11 subjects 12 of them are about bedroom topics, don’t make a fuss about nothing! I’m just teaching you how to interact with married women in the future.”

“Why weren’t you talking about this stuff before, married woman!” An Ran retorts.

“Tut, before weren’t you an unmarried person who provoked others, anyways, if you were with a high and mighty young unmarried lady talking about this stuff that would be cruel. I’m an honest youngster, not an immoral one.” Lin Li states as a matter of fact.

“Pretty sure you’re a demon! Married woman my ass, I’d say that you’re a married fujoshi*!” An Ran says.

*T/N: for those who don’t know what that is, it’s a Japanese term for ppl who ships boyxboy stuff. Also, if you guys don’t mind girlxgirl boyxboy stuff I highly recommend checking out this chinese webtoon series, ‘Tamen de gushi’. You'll be crushing hard on Sun Jing, I guarantee it.


Lin Li spits out her tongue, her expression was extremely adorable.

An Ran couldn’t help but smile at that. However she was secretly thinking that if she could be like this now how good would that be, forever unaware of Cheng Xiang’s betrayal, always smiling carefree and happy like this.

The waiter takes their trays over, and leaves the coffee and hot milk to their respective side. Then he smiles and says, “Please enjoy.” Then he turns around and retires.

An Ran slowly stirs the black coffee, that black liquid along with the small steel spoon swirl around, a small hollow circle whirling around the center.

Lin Li picks up her cup of hot milk and takes a sip of it. Actually she wasn’t very fond of this kind of dairy products. Milk was too mild, she liked coffee better, it gives you a kick. Only now, because of the treasure in her belly, that she can endure it.

Holding her coffee, she takes a small sip, the bitter taste made An Ran frown. It was really bitter, even more bitter than Chinese medicine. She doesn’t understand why people like this kind of bitter taste, you might as well just go and drink Chinese medicine. Coffee and caffeine, at least Chinese medicine was good for your health, and was cheaper than coffee, you get the best of both worlds.

Lin Li sees that her eyebrows were about to merge. She puts down the cup in her hands, and says, “You are a person who is addicted to sweet stuff for life, who taught you this profound and black coffee!”

An Ran puts down the coffee, and lets the bitterness slowly go down. She looks at her and gently smiles. Her appearance made Lin Li feel worried. She sternly asks, “An Zi, be honest with me. Did something happen?”

An Ran stares at her, ultimately shakes her head, “No.”

“Then you---“ Lin Li naturally was not convinced, and was about to ask her something when suddenly she was interrupted.

“How are you and Cheng Xiang. Why didn’t he come with you for the examination, made you go by yourself, isn’t that too irresponsible!” An Ran says.

“He’s not irresponsible, my Xiang Zi is a 21st century gentleman, he didn’t come because he wanted to make milk money for me and darling, so that our future life would be even better.” Lin Li was like that, always explaining for Cheng Xiang so people wouldn’t misunderstand him. She quickly explains, “Today was because he had an issue, there’s a big client who wanted to talk about an investment, at first they made an appointment for tomorrow, but tomorrow that person had a last minute trip abroad, so he can only move it to an earlier date.”

An Ran faintly nods her head, and asks, “There’s only a few more days until your wedding, how are the preparations? You’re pregnant now, do you have the strength?”

“It’s nothing, Cheng Xiang’s family took care about the wedding matters, no need for us to worry about it. You know, the thing that Cheng Xiang’s mother mostly calls me about is to say, eat well, sleep well, don’t you worry about anything, right now you are our queen, taking care of yourself is your biggest mission right now!” Lin Li says, laughing heartily.

“That’s not very good.” An Ran faintly replies.

“Ha, now is very good, you didn’t know back then when Cheng Xiang brought me home to meet his parents, his mom wasn’t satisfied at all, felt that I was an outsider, not from Jiang City, for this reason, she and Cheng Xiang had a big argument, said that she was too old school, pissed his mom so much her eyes popped out.” Lin Li laugh, “You wouldn’t think it, Cheng xiang is such a gentle person, since he was a child he was a model child, but that time, for me, he rebelled against his own mother and talked back, to show his own resolute attitude, even didn’t come back home for a week. Finally his mother admitted defeat, she didn’t talk about his relationship with me anymore. Actually thinking back on it, it’s probably because of that manner in which he defended me, so that so many years later I’m still hell-bent on following him, even if before I wasn’t so certain if we would get married or not, whether or not we would spend our whole life together.”

An Ran was astounded. She looks at her, and accidentally asks, “Why weren’t you sure, weren’t your feelings for each other always good?” She never even heard them fight before, 10 years later, really not even once! But she surprisingly had those feelings of uncertainty!

Lin Li smiles. There was actually one thing that she had never told her about. She knew that Cheng Xiang still held onto a shadow. Sometimes he would stroke her hair and foolishly look at her for a long time, not saying even a word. That year when he disappeared for a week she once thought that he wouldn’t come back, but in the end he still returned, returned to her side. In fact she was always afraid, afraid that one day he would suddenly disappear. These past few years although they were very happy and blessed, but this kind of happiness she had always felt that it was stolen, deep in her heart she always had this faint worry, worried that he was hiding away a figure in his heart, worried that one day, if that figure appeared, would he act like that year, not even saying a word, silently disappearing from her sight. Therefore so many years later, he had never talked about marriage, and she had never brought it up to him, even if their parents and relatives would call and press them every time, she would carry it by herself, never uttering even one word in front of him. However now all those things were insignificant, she doesn’t need to be scared and worried that he would leave and disappear, because they have a child, and they were almost getting married. She knows that Cheng Xiang had always been a man with a sense of responsibility, he wouldn't even spite his own family, not want his own child.

Her hand gently covers her flat belly. The corner of Lin Li’s mouth smiles softly. She says, “All that is insignificant, we’re almost married, I can marry him, that is something I’ve always wanted to do.” They all said that marriage was love’s tomb, but she always thought that she wanted to bury herself seated on that tomb, gladly enduring the hardship!

An Ran looks at her. She had an urge to tell her everything about last night and the stuff at the hospital, but looking at her happy and content expression, she didn’t have the heart to speak. She looked like she loved Cheng Xiang more than she had imagined.

Feigning relaxedness, she asks, “Do you like Cheng Xiang that much. You’ve been with him for 10 years, now you’re pregnant, he doesn’t even have the time to come with you for the examination, this kind of man, it’s better if you didn’t want him.”

“Hey, what’s the matter with you today, why do you have so much objection against my Cheng Xiang. Speak, where did my little Xiang Zi offend you, what do you not like!” Lin Li jests.

An Ran looks at her, and probes, “Are you not scared, midway through the pregnancy that he’ll cheat, in dramas and novels have said it, the time when men cheat is exactly when their wife is pregnant.”

Lin Li glares at her, instead asks, “You’ve known him for 10 years, do you think he’s the kind of man who would be unfaithful while I’m pregnant?”

An Ran was at a loss for words. She looks at her, unable to say anything in reply to those few words. If it was before, even if Lin Li had said it with her own mouth that Cheng Xiang was cheating on her, she wouldn’t even believe her at all. But now, the fact is she had seen it twice already, it would be hard not to believe it.

Seeing that she isn’t speaking, Lin Li also says, “What’s wrong with you today, overly suspicious, really is there nothing happening with your Wealthy Su?”

“No, I’m just pissed that Cheng Xiang didn’t come with you, it’s just that is the greatest crime, and don’t you think, who are you pregnant for, this time he isn’t even by your side, that’s wrong of him.” An Ran uses it as an excuse.

“This is called shoving false arguments down people’s throats, I already said it was an unusual circumstance, anyways, I’m not so big that it’s hard to move around, you’re just worrying blindly.” Lin Li says ungratefully, then takes a sip of her hot milk. Ow, she really doesn’t like the taste of the milk, always felt that there was this odour, but it’s not good if she doesn’t drink it, the doctor says that she has to drink a lot of milk, it’s good for the baby and mother, if she doesn’t like it then she has to slowly learn to like it.

An Ran looks at her appearance, looking like she was drinking medicine when she is drinking milk. She naturally knows that Lin Li doesn’t like dairy products, but now if she doesn’t like it, she still has to do her best to accept it.

Looking at it, An Ran recalls again of the appearance of the woman from last night who he had been hugging in his car. Her heart tightens, but she doesn’t dare to tell her. She stares at her, and can only pretend to be relaxed and say, “Lin Li, you’re good for nothing, if one day, your Cheng Xiang doesn’t want you anymore, what will you do, would you want to die.”

Lin Li smiles softly, she was unbothered as she says, “Yes, yes, I have no future prospects, if my Cheng Xiang really does not want me anymore, I would probably die.”

The smile on An Ran’s face freezes. She doesn’t know what to say anymore.

Lin Li did not notice the change in An Ran’s appearance. She suddenly felt her stomach go hungry, and says, “Ai yah, my baby’s telling me that he’s hungry, needs an afternoon snack, and even says that he wants to entertain his godmother.”

An Ran reacts, and happily looks at her, yet still has bitter heart as she says, “I don’t want to entertain you mother and child swindlers.”

“Hou, An Zi you’re living off a rich man, what does it matter if I rip a little off you. Hurry up, I want this place’s mousse cake and croissant, oh and add a blueberry custard tart.” Lin Li ignores her, and just orders.

An Ran laughs and shakes her head, presses on the service bell, and simply orders the things she just said, and added a nori sushi.

The two ate their afternoon snack at the coffee shop. When they were about to leave Lin Li’s cellphone goes off. It was a call from Cheng Xiang, asking what was the outcome from her examination, asking if she was still at the hospital, if she needed him to pick her up. Lin Li flaunts off by wiggling her eyebrows at An Ran, and reports to Cheng Xiang that she was with An Ran at a coffee shop by the hospital eating an afternoon snack, and purposely told him that he doesn’t need to pick her up. But in reality she wanted him to pick her up, because she wanted to show off to An Ran how sweet and loving they are.

Cheng Xiang laughs warmly, then not raising any objection, tells her to wait in the coffee shop, that he’ll be there in about 15 minutes.

Hanging up, Lin Li was pleased with herself and raises her phone to An Ran, saying, “Look here look here, my Xiang Zi is this considerate to me, right after finishing work, immediately comes to pick me up. This kind of man, how could I not marry him.” While she was saying that, the expression on her face was incomparably blessed and content, looking at it made people not have the heart to cruelly tell her that the fact that perhaps things were not the way she thought it was.

An Ran bites on her lips, doesn’t smile, and doesn’t say anything.

The two wait at the coffee shop for 14 minutes, and Cheng Xiang really did arrive exactly on time at 15 minutes. The car stops in front of the coffee shop. He opens the door to the car, then stands outside the door, and smiles warmly at them and waves them over.

Lin Li joyously waves back at him. Then she gathers her stuff, and turns to tell An Ran to hurry up. An Ran quickly tidies up her things and tails behind her. Cheng Xiang looks at her and chuckles warmly, “An Ran, not working today?”

“Yes, but seeing that Lin Li was going to the examination alone made me feel restless. Work was busy, but it’s still not as important as she is.” An Ran says coldly.

Cheng Xiang was taken aback, naturally he could hear the meaning to her words. He only smiles at her, and turns to look at Lin Li. He reaches out to tidy her hair, and asks, “Sorry, I was wrong. What did the doctor say? Is everything with the baby okay?”

“Yes yes, everything’s normal.” Lin Li laughs as she answers.

“If there really was something wrong with the child, you weren’t with her, asking now, would be too late.” An Ran tuts.

Cheng Xiang was taken aback, turns to look at her, unable to come up with anything.

Lin Li glares at An Ran, and laughs, “An Zi must be on her period, don’t lower yourself to her level, we need to understand her fidgety moodiness.” Then she reaches out to draw around Cheng Xiang’s arm. Acting like a spoiled child she says, “Come on husband, let’s go home.”

Cheng Xiang chuckles and nods, leaving behind a nod to An Ran, then turns around to leave.

“An Zi, you go back by yourself, we’re leaving first.” Sitting down in the car, Lin Li sticks her head out and shouts out to An Ran.

An Ran only nods, pulling on her lips, but not smiling at all.

Watching Cheng Xiang’s black car slowly disappear to the corner of the street, An Ran then turns around to walk. After getting married she hasn’t had the opportunity to drive her new Chery. Early in the morning Su Yi Cheng sends her to work, after work if he has time, he would come over to pick her up. She hasn’t had the time to monopolize the car.

An Ran aimlessly follows down the street. She can’t say anything to Lin Li about Cheng Xiang’s betrayal, because she was scared she would be heart broken. There are things she knows she should say, but in the end she couldn’t say it.

“Ai….” She sighs. She stands at the street and watches the cars pass by. An Ran couldn’t describe what her mood was right now. She doesn’t know how long she had walked for. She reached somewhere. When she looked at the time, it was almost 5 o’clock. Scared that Su Yi Cheng would be waiting for her at the company, she immediately goes to call him to tell him that he doesn’t need to go to the company to pick her up, and just says that she’s out, that she’ll drive herself home later.

Su Yi Cheng was silent for a while, and only reminds her to be careful on the road, and says that he doesn’t have a dinner party tonight, that he’ll be home after work.

Actually An Ran knew that he was worried about her, worried that she wasn’t happy. The fact that there was one person who was that concerned about her, thinking to herself that it was a happy thing. She was glad that she had a person like that by her side.

She looks around for a bus stop nearby. After looking for the bus routes a bit, she then was certain about which bus to take then drive home. Standing at the side to wait, she doesn’t know where it would stop and how it would, but she waited for 30 minutes, and doesn’t see any cars coming. Furthermore there were more and more people, looks like they were getting off work.

Across from the bus information board was a coffee shop chain. The environment was okay, there were a few of that branch in Jiang City. Before there was one by her school as well, at that time, she and Lin Li, Cheng Xiang and Mo Fei would always go their to study, sometimes they would sit there from afternoon to the night. The store doesn’t just have coffee, they also have commercial meals and such, so when they got hungry they didn’t lack food.

The time really went by quickly. Looking back these past few years, so many years had passed, and everyone was no longer the same. It really was a wonder, time changes, people change, apparently you can no longer see the naïve and delightful children.

Across the street she saw a familiar figure rushing by. An Ran was slightly taken aback, she was about to call out, only to see that behind that person was another figure quickly catching up, the two pulling on each other as if they were arguing about something.

An Ran watches. She turns to look at both sides watching for cars, then carefully avoids the incoming cars and crosses the street.

“Stop following me, I don’t have anything to say to you!” Lin Xiao Fen says coldly.

“Xiao Fen, just hear me out, that year I----“ That person was about to say something, but was interrupted by her.

“Enough, I don’t want to hear it. That year when you turned around and left you never thought about the present, what’s the use of turning back now!” Lin Xiao Fen points at him, she was worked up.

That person explains, “I am turning back, I want to go back to the village, I---“

“Mom.” They turn around, as An Ran calls out.

---END OF CHAPTER---

I can't bear to watch the upcoming train wreck that is coming towards Lin Li. Oh An Ran, if you care about her just tell her. Not at the coffee shop, but just tell her. *covers my eyes*

Updates might take a little longer now, as I've started a new job and I'm trying my best to catch up. I'll do my best to get them done weekly, but no promises. Apologies!


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