First Marriage Then Love 《先婚厚爱》Chapter 90 Translation

090 I will never love you again


--This chapter was translated by Joe--


Power and authority can be such miraculous things. After Su Yi Cheng's call to the hospital's Director, Lin Li was arranged to a single ward with a much better environment. In addition the doctors and nurses followed up on Lin Li's case very efficiently, the doctor assured them that Lin Li only needs to rest quietly to recuperate and she will be able to recover fully.

An Ran had intended to stay behind to accompany Lin Li but under the insistence of mother and father Lin, she went back home with Su Yi Cheng eventually.

Along the way An Ran appears to be especially quiet, leaning back on the seat not making a sound, gazing outwards at the passing scenery.

Su Yi Cheng turns to look at her, knowing she must be too tired to say anything at all. So he did not ask anything of her, only reaching out, holding her hand, softly caressing.

Her hand being caressed, An Ran slowly turns her head over, only seeing him giving her a gentle smile.

Looking at him, An Ran's emotions seem to be slightly invoked again, her nose souring and tears form in her eyes. Turning her head up, she tries hard to not let the tears fall.

Su Yi Cheng did not force her, only gently holding caressing her hand, looking at the happenings on the road, focusing on driving, not saying a word.

Back at the apartment, An Ran only says she is tired, took her sleeping clothes and enters the washroom directly.

Su Yi Cheng stared at the closed washroom door for a while and only then turns to go out, removing the necktie on him, placing it on the couch. Koosening up his sleeves and collar, he enters the kitchen.

An Ran came out still drying her hair with the towel. She opens up the blanket on the bed and not waiting for her hair to dry off, covers herself with the blanket and prepares to go to sleep.

Su Yi Cheng carries a bowl of noodles in, only to see that An Ran had covered herself with the blanket from her feet to her head. Walking up to her, placing the noodles on the table beside the bed, he lightly pats on An Ran, lightly calling, "An Ran...... An Ran?"

An Ran did not turn over, only saying miserably,"Tired, want to sleep."

Su Yi Cheng removes the blanket and hugs her up, seeing her tear striken face.

An Ran turns her head over, back facing him,"I'm really tired, I want to sleep now."

Turning her over, hands cupping her face, letting her look straight at him, Su Yi Cheng stared at her, as if able to see through her.

An Ran did not look at him, her eyes looking sideways, looking at the blanket instead but her tears, seemingly not under control, continue to flow down from her cheeks.

Su Yi Cheng sighs lightly then reach over with his hands to try and wipe off her tears, then both hands cupped her face again, forcing her to look at his eyes directly, "An Ran, people will have to go through hardship in order to grow, perhaps the process will be painful and hurtful but that is the price of growing up. To grow stronger one needs to pay the price for that. It's very painful, but it's also because it is so painful that people will remember the lesson they learn from the pain. Sometimes when you think about it like that, it's not such a bad thing."

An Ran looks at him steadily for a while, then quietly mumbles,"I know." But why must it be so painful, 10 years of feelings just disappear like that, and even the child is gone. She has no idea how Lin Li will be able to face everything when she wakes up tomorrow.

Su Yi Cheng caresses her head,"You had nothing to eat at night, come, I cooked some noodles, have some." Then reach over for the noodles to place it in front of her.

An Ran look at the noodles, shaking her head,"I'm not hungry." She also has no appetite to eat. She is only worried about how Lin Li will react once she wakes up and finds the child gone.

"Be obedient, have some, I made it myself, I haven't even showered yet." Su Yi Cheng says in a spoilt manner.

An Ran looks at him, then at the noodles in his hands, shaking her head,"It's too much, I can't finish it all."

"Eat however much you're able to, I will finish the rest."

Hearing him say that, An Ran cannot refuse any longer, nodded and reaches over for the noodles, taking over the chopsticks. Even if she really has no appetite, An Ran still tried her best to eat little by little. Actually his noodles tasted really good, it's just that she really has no appetite to eat.

At last, An Ran, under Su Yi Cheng's gaze, tries her best to finish about half of the bowl of noodles. Her mood has really affected her appetite, she shakes her head at Su Yi Cheng in apology, indicating she is really not able to eat anymore.

Su Yi Cheng caresses her head in understanding, takes over the leftover bowl of noodles and starts eating in big mouthfuls and in a flash, finishes the remaining noodles.

Placing the dishes into the kitchen sink, he returns to the bedroom and took his sleeping attire, went into the washroom for his shower.

When Su Yi Cheng comes out again, An Ran is still leaning against the back of the bed in a daze. Her hands holding a small photo album, inside were pictures of her and Lin Li, there're ones when they were in school as well as when they had gone into society to work, when they're on vacation. In each and every photo Lin Li had a joyous smile and was very happy. Every photo had a smiling face, the kind that just makes people envious with jealousy.

Su Yi Cheng got up from the other side of the bed, then takes the album away and hugs the dazed silly woman into his arms, hugging her, slightly swaying her.

"In the past Lin Li used to smile everyday, I cannot find a single photo of her not happy." An Ran says softly in Su Yi Cheng's arms.

Su Yi Cheng lightly pats her back,"She is a strong person, she will get better."

An Ran shakes her head,"She is very fragile, she isn't strong at all."

Su Yi Cheng lets go of her, looking at her, smiling gently,"It's alright, with you by her side, with mother and father Lin by her side as well, she will get better as soon as possible for all of you."

An Ran looks at him for a while, then nodded.

Su Yi Cheng hugs her again, placing her into his embrace, lowering his head and places a kiss on her hair, "Alright, let's go to bed now, tomorrow we still have to go over to take a look at Lin Li."

An Ran nodded, letting him help her lie down, then in his embrace, seeking a comfortable position, closed her eyes and falls asleep.

When she wakes the next day, she discovers surprisingly that she is still embrace in a warm cocoon, She is surprise that Su Yi Cheng did not go for his morning exercise this morning but was still accompanying her till the day lighted up.

Opening her eyes, face to face with his gorgeous brows, An Ran asks pausingly, "Why didn't you go for your morning exercise?"

Su Yi Cheng lowers his head and kisses her lips, lightly smiling and answers,"I was mesmerised by the way you look when you were sleeping, that I just forgot about it."

An Ran scolds laughingly,"Rubbish." Naturally she knows what he says is to coax her, she knows he is considerate and because he knows she is feeling moody so he takes time to accompany her more. Her heart is enveloped by a warm and snuggly feeling because of his gentle and considerate ways. She feels she is so lucky to be able to be cherish so deeply by someone like this.

Su Yi Cheng kisses her lips, giving her a heated morning kiss.

An Ran pushes him away with some effort, looking at him, pouting her lips, "I haven't brushed my teeth yet." After sleeping for the whole night, there must have been some bad breathe already.

Su Yi Cheng smiles, reaching and pulling her hands over, again kissing her, letting go of her only after a while. His head placed against hers, the tip of his nose against hers, his lips curved in a smile,"I don't mind."

An Ran looks at him with pouted lips for a while, before finally saying,"It's not hygienic."

"Hahaha!" Su Yi Cheng laughs out loud, lowers his head and kisses her again before letting her go, "Let's get up, then washup first. After that remember to give a call to Director Huang, after breakfast I'll send you to the hospital."

Hearing this, An Ran obedient nodded, taking the clothes for the day, she went into the washroom.

Su Yi Cheng takes the time while she is washing up to prepare some sandwiches in the kitchen to serve as their breakfast for today.

When An Ran gave a call to Huang De Xin to take leave for the day Huang De Xin did not say much but dutifully reminded her of the timeline for the "Activity Manor" case. Her deadline is the coming Monday for her to hand the design draft to him, so that he can arrange for the model and showroom to be constructed.

An Ran knows she has delayed the progress for the case for some time now and also knows that all that he says is correct, there really isn't much time left to finish up the design. The model and showroom will also take time to finish after all.

Su Yi Cheng drove her to the hospital and drops her off at the entrance. Just as he was about to alight and accompany An Ran, secretary Zheng's call sounded at this time, reminding him of the meeting this morning which he must attend.

An Ran considerately says to him,"No need to accompany me up, go get busy with your work."

Su Yi Cheng looks at the time, indeed he does not have much time to accompany her up, he just nodded, looking at her, says,"Then I'll be on my way, take care of yourself."

An Ran nodded, giving him a light smile.

When An Ran reaches Lin Li's room, Lin Li is already awake and Cheng Xiang seems to have waited the whole night. He is still wearing the groom's attire he had on yesterday and his pants still have the stain of the blood from when Lin Li fell.

An Ran pushes the door, entering the room, only to see mother and father Lin in a stifling silence. And Lin Li is just lying there on the bed, with her eyes open, staring at the ceiling, quiet not making a sound at all, making anyone who sees it feels bad.

"Lin Li." An Ran went forward, gently calling her name but she did not respond at all, her eyes continue staring at the ceiling, not even blinking.

When mother Lin sees her daughter like this, her heart aches,"She woke up around 11pm last night, after she woke up she felt her stomach and asked if the child is still there." Saying this, tears started falling from her eyes. father Lin at the side also turns his head, unable to face her.

Mother Lin continues,"When she knew the child was gone, she just looked at me steadily and laughed weakly after a while then closed her eyes and fell back to sleep. In the morning when we woke up, we found her like this just staring at the ceiling. Not even responding when we call her."

An Ran caresses Lin Li's hair, her heart aching and tightens in agony.

"knock knock knock..." the room's door sound out at this time.

Thinking it must be the nurse wanting to take her temperature, father Lin turns and opens the door. The door had just open and it was not the nurse waiting outside but Cheng Xiang's parents.

Mother Cheng had a tumbler in hand and father Cheng had a bag in hand with some of Lin Li's clothings.

"In-laws, is xiao Li awake yet?" mother Cheng enters with the tumbler, in it is chicken soup that she had boiled for the whole night, it's especially beneficial for people who had suffered miscarriage. If nothing else, it is most important to let Lin Li recovers as soon as possible.

father Lin looks at them, his expression severe. Thinking that Lin Li is like this all due to Cheng Xiang, a surge of anger and unhappiness from his heart rose up and his reply is cold and hard,"Please go out, xiao Li does not want to see anyone of you from the Cheng family."

"In-law, we know that our Cheng Xiang is at fault regarding this matter, but this is not the time to be placing blame, taking care of Lin Li is the most important right now." mother Cheng answers smoothly, taking the tumbler of chicken soup in,"This is the chicken soup I have boiled for the whole night, it's especially good for the body."

"Go out, our family's xiao Li does not need to drink any chicken soup from your family, we'll take care of our own child, you don't have to put up an act." mother Lin's emotions is a little agitated, and starts to push them out.

"In-laws, don't be like this, we know it's all our Cheng Xiang's fault, but what's happen has already happen. let us take care of Lin Li together and get her to be better. That's the most important thing." mother Cheng explained.

"No need to, you all get out, we don't wish to see any of you." mother Lin insisted on pushing them out.

As they quarrel, Lin Li turns her head over slowly, letting her empty gaze upon them and after a while speaks up,"I want to see Cheng Xiang." that voice sounds severely dry and hoarse to the point of pitying.

Hearing this, the few people quiets down, looking at her, pausing, surprised that she is still willing to see Cheng Xiang at this point.

"Lin Li?" An Ran looks at her worried, her hand tightly holding against hers.

Lin Li turns over, looking at An Ran steadily, after a while, repeated,"I want to see Cheng Xiang."

An Ran looks at her, persuading her, "He did not come, Lin Li, let's look for him after we get out from the hospital." An Ran does not dare to let her see Cheng Xiang, afraid that her emotions will get too agitated.

Lin Li shakes her head, only saying, "Help me call him here, I know he's outside."

An Ran turns to look at mother and father Lin, her eyes seeking for their opinions.

mother Lin came forward hurriedly, speaks in a persuading tone to Lin Li, "xiao Li, we don't see Cheng Xiang outside, why not recover first, alright?"

Lin Li lightly pressed her lips, smiling,"Mom, I'm fine, let him in, I have things to say clearly to him." After being foolish for so long, it's time she woke up.

mother Lin looks at her, pausing and finally nodded, letting An Ran call Cheng Xiang in from outside.

Hearing that Lin Li want to see him, Cheng Xiang stumbles inside, his hair messy, the clothes on him crumpled and with the newly grown stubbles on his chin and his deeply sunken eyes, he looked very miserable and unkempt.

"Lin Li." Cheng Xiang goes up to her, very emotional, his eyes were redden, he reached out for her face but was avoided by Lin Li. Looking at her, Cheng Xiang says in pain,"I'm sorry."

Hearing this, Lin Li's lips curl up in a slight smile but her eyes exudes sorrow. She had loved this man for 10 years, giving her everything to love him, not minding to be the shadow in his heart, not minding that he has another woman in his heart. Because she had believe that, during this 10 years, he will grow to love her a little, even if it is but a sliver, if she had felt even a sliver of his love she would have felt that it was worth giving him 10 years' worth of feelings. But......

"Cheng Xiang." Turning to look at him, Lin Li says out plainly with her dry hoarse voice,"10 years, have you ever really loved me?"

Cheng Xiang keeps nodding his head,"I do!" Maybe he had been uncertain before, maybe xiaoxiao was always hidden within his heart but just from that time, yesterday, when he watch her closed her eyes within his embrace, paled, he realized clearly just how much he is afraid of losing her. It is then that he knew, he had fallen in love with her, he had fallen in love with that girl who loves to laugh, that girl who loves to keep reminding him that she loves him, that girl who is always hugging his neck and seeking to kiss him. He did not know when he fell in love but but by the time he realised it , he is already deeply in love with her.

Lin Li laughs, shaking her head,"You don't love me, don't deceive yourself."

"No I'm not, I do love you, it's true!" Cheng Xiang hurriedly explains but was cut short by Lin Li.

"If you loved me then why did you run away from our wedding, if you loved me then why would you go hug another woman?" Lin Li says it very calmly, but her tears keep flowing from her eyes.

"I......" Cheng Xiang wants to explain but found himself speechless.

"I've loved you for 10 years, I had always known there's a shadow within your heart. You love very deeply, I know that you often stare at my hair thinking about that person in your heart. I don't mind, really I don't, I don't mind myself being a substitute for another person. I don't mind you not being able to love me like I loved you." Lin Li says, looking at him steadily, reaching out, raising it towards him, lightly stroking that man's face, the man that from the time she started to know love, has always been in love with. Her tears flow uncontrollably, she continues saying,"I thought that with enough time, you will forget about the shadow in your heart then you will slowly start to love me. Even if it's only a little, I'm really not that greedy, I only want a little bit of love from you, if I have that, I can affirm my determination."

"I do love you, and it's not only a little." Cheng Xiang holds onto her hands, letting her hand tightly pressed against his face.

An Ran at the side turns her face away in pain, her hands covering her mouth, trying hard not to let herself cry out.

Lin Li shakes her head lightly, her lips in a light smile,"I was too foolish in the past, I only felt like it was a matter of time, if only I was patient enough, if only I was willing to wait a little longer, he will turn back one day, he will look at me then I thought. But I had forgotten, I forgot you are as stubborn as me, we are the same type of person, as I am patiently waiting you are also patiently waiting for the person you love in your heart. Even if you knew that it is impossible between the two of you, you will always reserve a place for her in your heart."

Cheng Xiang clutched her hand, kissing it, shaking his head but did not say a single word.

After being silent for a while, Lin Li retracts her hand, looks at him steadily, seeming to have come to a decision, "I thought about it the whole night, I have finally decided. It's time I let go now, I should not stubbornly hold on to a man that will never love me for the rest of my life, if I cannot let you love me in 10 years, if you cannot forget that shadow in your heart for 10 years, then it's useless even if there's more time."

"It won't be useless Lin Li, I love you, I really do, believe me, please believe me will you?" Cheng Xiang grabs at her hands, tears flowing from his eyes.

Lin Li takes her hand back, shaking her head,"It's too late now." Taking her hand, removing the diamond ring that he had put on her yesterday and placed it in his hand. Turning her head, staring at the ceiling again, saying, "It's already too late, I'm tired, I'm not able to love anymore."

"Then let me love you, this time, let me love you instead, alright?" Cheng Xiang place the ring in the palm of her hand, his palm tightly holding onto her hand.

Lin Li turns to look at him, shaking her head, her hand slowly moving up her own stomach, that still flat stomach, the stomach that used to have a tiny life growing inside, she could even feel his strong heartbeat at one time, but not anymore. Thinking of this, her tears flows down in a torrent,"It's too late now Cheng Xiang, the child is gone, we don't even have a reason to be together anymore, everything is too late now, it's too late. I will never love you again, the love I have for you during these 10 years have been exhausted and will never come again." With that, the tears flow even more.

"It's not too late, if you're willing, it will never be too late. We can have another child, we can have as many as you want, alright?" Clutching her hand, Cheng Xiang says hurriedly,"Lin Li, let's start all over again, this time I will only have you in my heart, let us start all over again, alright?"

Removing her hand, without a sliver of emotion, Lin Li rejects him directly, "We can't go back now, I will never love you again, from when you left the wedding yesterday, from when you pull me aside, from when the child is no more, we can never go back and start over again. And I will never love again."

With that, she took a deep breathe, turning her head not looking at him,"Alright, I have said all that I've wanted to say, please leave now, I do not want to see you for the time being. As for the clothes in your house, I will make arrangements to remove them as soon as possible."

"Lin Li." Cheng Xiang calls out to her, shaking his head not willing to accept all that she has said.

"Xiao Li, don't be like this, Cheng Xiang knows he's at fault now, give him another chance."mother Cheng walks up and thought to speak up for her son.

Enduring her tears, Lin Li did not look at her, only saying,"Dad, please have them leave, I don't want to see them."

Hearing this father Lin nodded, turning over saying to the Chengs,"Please get out, don't disturb my daughter's rest."

"In-law, you___"mother Cheng is still trying to salvage the situation but was cut off by father Lin.

"Don't call that carelessly, my daughter did not get married to your son, if you want to find a daughter in law, go find someone else. Our family does not have the fortune to be acquainted with yours, and we don't want to!" father Lin says, and together with mother Lin hurries the Chengs out the door.

Lin Li slept sideways with her back on the door, tightly biting her lips, her entire self trembling from crying.

An Ran looks at her, going up in front of her, tightly holding onto her hand, she does not know what to say or do but maybe, just maybe, just staying by her side will do.



------End of Chapter------

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